WHAT'S THE BIGGEST SURPRISE IN "HARRY POTTER AND THE HALF-BLOOD
PRINCE"?
Hermione is made of chocolate.
You Know Who does You Know What with He Who Must Not Be Named.
Hermione took levels in Rogue so she could spend the skill
points on Knowledge skills. Voldemort is killed by a sneak
attack.
In a bizarre twist, Karl Rove reveals that Professor Snape is
really an undercover member of the Order of the Phoenix. Later
denies any involvement but is heard muttering "that slimy git
deserved it."
In a move to keep with the times, The Half Blood Prince changes
his name to The Character Formally Known as the Half Blood
Prince.
Ginny's a Cylon?!
The boy's midichlorian count is almost as high as master Yoda's.
So, the kids are all about to graduate: what happens next? The
way I see it, everyone moves to London. Luna Lovegood writes a
column for the Tattler. With her love for books, Hermione
becomes a high-powered wizarding lawyer with no time for
relationships. Ginny Weasely wants to find true love. And that
slut Lavender Brown? She's just looking for a good time.
"Snogging in the City" - it's gonna be big!
MAJOR SPOILER: Harry wears little round glasses in this one.
That whole plot with Professor Slugworth trying to convince
Harry to steal the secret recipe for Bertie Bott's Every Flavor
Beans seemed strangely familiar…
Apparently, French people are annoying.
After the driver of the Knight Bus is locked up on suspicion of
being a Death Eater, the bus is replaced by the Knight
Industries Two Thousand, better known as KITT. "Shall I engage
the turbo boost, Harry?"
Prince?! My copy sez, "Harry Potter & Half a Blood Sausage." I
hate you, China.
Hagrid Hagridden!
The secret of Voldemort's power is finally revealed: you can
lose ten pounds in two weeks on the Death Eater Diet!
Finally, someone realized it was just easier to buy a gun and
shoot Voldemort. A shield charm ain't gonna save your ass from
an AK-47.
Bullwinkle finally DOES pull a rabbit out of that hat.
Two words: Grape Snape.
Vast disappointment when Dumbledore finally reveals the truth
about magic: It's all done with mirrors.
Professor Frink is the new Headmaster of RAAYYVENN!claw, mmmhuy.
I know people are saying that Rowling's position as one of the
three richest people alive has affected her writing, but I don't
see it. I mean, Harry's ALWAYS had gold in Gringott's. I think
it's high time that we had a book focused entirely on the
wizarding stock market.
He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named attacks and kills a bookstore full of
children eagerly awaiting the midnight release of the next
Harvey Goethe book. I imagine there will be a bit of a drop-off
in the attendance for the release of Book Seven.
Hermione turns out to be Ron, wearing a Scooby-Doo-esque rubber
mask. The reason they can appear together at the same time is
credited to "magic", which is, in my opinion, a cheap cop-out.
The Weapons of Mass Destruction were hidden in the Room of
Requirement all along!
Harry's attitude in Order of the Phoenix was NOT caused by him
being a normal fifteen-year-old boy but was instead caused by
hyena possession. We'll have to kill him.
Wasn't it a bit too much that instead of simply staking Neville
the Vampire, they ripped out his heart, bathed in his blood, and
then cut off his head? Honestly. Children read these books.
Soylent Green is wizards!
Ron and Harry are invited to spend the holiday with Hagrid, but
he gets killed and so the lads have to keep repositioning his
body so that it looks like he's still alive. Yeah, it's a
rip-off of "Weekend At Bernie's", but it works, mate!
Harry likes to mix Wheatabix with the blood - it gives it
texture.
The interactive, hidden sex scene unlocked from the book
jacket.
Let's just say you can't spell "Voldemort" without "Rove"...
Definitely the Chocolate Frog Factory.
JK Rowling's announcement that she'll be writing a prequel
septology about Voldemort's time at Hogwarts - "The whole series
really about the fall and redemption of Tom Riddle," she says.
R2D2 can fly!
Voldemort turns out to be Dumbledore! Didn't you even notice
they were *never* in the same place at the *same* time?
Harry deciphers a strange glyph and finds himself face to face
with the puny purple potentate. They proceed to party like it's
1999.
Karl Rove DIDN'T reveal the identity of the Half-Blood Prince.
JK Rowling writes herself a cameo appearance. Gnaws her own leg
off on page 43.
Hagrid gives "Care of Magical Creatures" lesson on one Bossy the
Cow.
Ron's new animal companion is a rabbit. Apparently without
pancakes on its head. Weekly Questioneers are dismayed.
Veronica Mars shows up undercover as a transfer student.
The revelation near the end that the next book will be called
"Harry Potter and the Prisoner of NAMBLA".
Harry Potter takes a magical ceramics class, and discovers the
truth of his own name.
The Wizard Dumbledore retires and leaves Hogwarts, only to be
replaced by the Wizard Humperdinck.
J.K. Rowling writes herself into the book, as a character called
"Bad Grammar Bertha".
That grown adults are actually taking these books seriously
(they're for kids, people!). Please don't kill me.
The other HALF eluded to in the title isn't blood at all, but a
floor wax.
Or is it delicious dessert topping?
I know J.K. Rowling has said that each book would be more
"adult" than the last, but I think "The Shower Scene" went too
far.
That it does not in fact features a Yuan-ti sect, besides our
great expectations ( which turned out to be a better book as
well)
The biggest surprise? There are so many. I mean, finding out
that Harry and Hermione are brother and sister, separated at
birth and raised in hiding for their own protection. And who
would have thought that Nobby the house elf is really a master
wizard who trained Dumbledore? But to me, the biggest surprise
was finding out that Voldemort is Harry's real father. Nooooooo!
I'll never join you!
Harry CAN believe it's not butter.
That steamy locker room scene between Dobby and Moaning Myrtle.
The kids are all in class- The class action lawsuit that is! And
Bertie Botts' is the target.
He'll rue the day he ever included Botulism, Ebola and Crunchy
Frog in his famous "Every Flavor Beans"...
The anti-climax comes when Harry, having fought through many
perils, finally comes to the lair of the half-blood prince, only
to find one of those pesky bleeder European royalty chaps
exsanguinating in the bath.
The tasty, tasty pudding.
The discovery of a wizarding college named "Unseen University."
What the OTHER half is.
"Potter, I am your father." "NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!"
How good half blood, half cream tastes in coffee.
Fewer pages than the OED, but twice the calories!
The whole plot was air-lifted out of an episode of 'The Wild,
Wild West' featuring Dr. Miguelito Loveless.