You’d think that Dawson would be the father, but the DNA tests prove it was Pacey.

His first words? “Show me the money!”

His name will be Gay Cruise.

Is kidnapped and taken to be raised by a circus family, so that it might live a normal life.

HE CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH!

Not to be outdone by Nicholas Cage and son Kal-El Coppola Cage, Tom and Katie have come to an agreement: Lex Luthor Cruise if it's a boy, Lois Lane Holmes if it's a girl.

With all the rumors of artificial insemination flying around, I find it telling that certain high-ranking members of the Church of Scientology have started referring to Ms. Holmes as "Old Mother Hubbard"...

He’s born with his eyes wide shut.

The chip that will be implanted into her brain, causing her math abilities to be severely limited...oops, sorry, that was the fictional work of Mr. Hubbard...

They name it Bennifer.

It actually *is* a tomcat.

He’s eventually proven to have been the true source of the Valerie Plame leak.

On record as the youngest child *ever* to kill both parents, at the age of 10.

Will rise up as the reincarnation of Xemu and only feed on Operating Thetans.

Diagnosed with ADHD in the womb.

Goose's thetan had to get reborn somehow, didn't it?