BAKER'S DOZEN--10/23/04

WHAT WILL HAPPEN IF THE RED SOX WIN THE WORLD SERIES?


Fish no longer gotta swim. Birds no longer gotta fly. Both species will be taking the Boston Subway instead...

Hello Godot!

As the 12th sign of the apocalypse, The world will split in twain, heralding the arrival of Satan and his cohorts. In a related story, Martha Stewart is scheduled for an early release in the upcoming month.

The Pope will no longer shit in the woods.

OJ Simpson will finally capture his wife's REAL killer!

Zombie Babe Ruth will stagger onto the field and attempt to strangle Barry Bonds before he hits #714.

William Shatner will finally sing at the Met!

The Cardinals will disappoint me yet again.

All sports players will say: "Screw it, forget the money!" Playing out the remainder of their contracts with the teams they're currently signed with.
 
Wizards of the Coast will release version 4.0 of D&D: Thereby creating mass riots and yet another group of alienated D&Ders who will demand Monte Cook's head on a silver pike.

George Steinbrenner will no doubt break every bone is someone's body. After all, its a cheap but effective motivational tool.

Ross Perot will demand capitulation of all governments to his Zoorgian Death Fleet. Because of this, everybody who got shafted with En-ron will get a measure of their lost money/retirement funds back. New York City will become the capital of his New Empire. The Bronx will be transplanted to Antarctica. Steinbrunner will flee to Japan. The Yankees will be sold to Castro.

Just about the same thing that happened for 1/1/2000, ya know?

Cub fans get to hope.

Xoriat will become coterminous!

The Hellmouth will freeze over.

Nader will be our next President.

World peace will finally be attained… and beauty queens all over the world will have to come up with real answers to their pageant questions.

"Vote Red Sox" the one thing Bush, Kerry, Saddam, Usama, and even the Yankees will agree on this election.

The same exact things that will happen if they don't.

Donald Trump and John Ashcroft Found Dead in Gay Love Suicide Pact!

"Angel" and "Firefly" get opted for continuing series with a budget that far surpasses that of "Friends."

The Yankees will continue to spend too much money on the team.

Shaugnessy (creator of the "curse of the Bambino" meme) has a heart attack and dies.

The Beast comes to bring a rain of fire, blot out the sun, and herald the birth of a goddess who inspires unwavering devotion and eats people.

The Whole World Will Explode!!!

I'll be a happy boy.  Nuff said.

On the positive side, some game company will decide to re-release the first edition of Gamma World (box and all!!). (Sigh)

George Lucas will decide to re-release the Star Wars trilogy in an original DVD set. (It'll be more original that current originals anyway!)

Carmen Elektra, Salma Hayek, Ashley Judd, and Michelle Rodriguez will decide to host a gaming convention to be held in Binghamton, N.Y. of all places.

I for one will be VERY HAPPY!

The great debate between NYC and Boston will finally be over and Babe can rest in peace safe in the knowledge that revenge is a dish best served cold!

Maybe just for a little while those damm Yankees will SHUT UP!
 

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