BAKER'S DOZEN--11/11/04

WHO DO WE NEED ON THE PRESIDENTIAL CABINET?


Mother Hubbard would be pleased if there were a bone.

For goodness sake, get Mister Peanut in there as a Secretary of Snacks. Someone needs to normalize relations before the pretzels strike again!!!

I want to see the Cabinet of President Caligari.

Selecting Democrat Zell Miller as head of Justice could bridge the partisan divide.  With a leather glove, naturally.

I'm afraid I have to keep my sources confidential, but I've heard that the new Secretary of Agriculture is going to be a certain mad… well, cranky… cow of our mutual acquaintance.
 
Tina, Secretary of Monster Island.

I'd like to see Dumbo on the cabinet for three reasons- first, the fact that he's an elephant makes him a jolly mascot for the GOP; second, his name makes him blend in perfectly with the rest of the administration; and lastly, and most importantly, if he was ON the cabinet, he would crush each and every neoconservative knucklehead to a pulp!

Oh come on, get Michael Moore in there - you know, just to mess with him.

Charlton Heston. He's a well-known conservative with charisma to spare, and he already knows how to work with monkeys. 

Secretary of Education is a dead heat between Siegfried  Engelmann and Elaine Bruner. You haven't heard of them? Well, the President is a big fan of their work - perhaps "The Pet Goat" rings a bell?

The Four Horsemen- Scratch that, we've already got a couple of those guys on Bush's Cabinet already.

Well, how about God? Now that might sound like overkill, but when Karl Rove is pulling the strings, one would like at least a LITTLE balance...

Oh, just give up and put Arnold Schwarzenegger in already. You know that in another four years he's going to hold every existing elected office we have - we might as well get started. While you're at it, I think Chief Justice Schwarzenegger has a nice ring to it, don't you?

I wanna see Barbie! But then, President Bush isn't likely to appoint someone with more brains then him, now is he?

Anybody who is not classified as the 'Born Agains for a Better, Greedier America' movement

ALL of the Pittsburgh Steelers starting defensive unit!

William Devane.  So what if he's an actor and not a politician or some kind of policy expert?  And it isn't because of his character on 'The West Wing', or as the President on 'Stargate SG-1', or even as Kennedy in 'Missiles of October'.  He just looks like he's got political savvy and that he knows what he's doing.  And the clowns they've got now can't even muster that much acting ability!

Opus the penguin

Someone who trusts in science.

The Punisher. Eventually, he'd be the ONLY cabinet member, but we'd be all the better for it.

Stephen Hawking - It would be amusing to see Bush scratch his head like a monkey as Stephen runs circles around his small simian brain.

Barney the Purple Dinoaur - Bush need someone on his intellectual level.

I think Charles Guiteau, Sam Bicke, Sara Jane Moore, Leon Cjolgosz, John Wilkes Booth, and Lee Harvey Oswald would give the President the very same council that I would.

Rupert Murdoch, George Armstrong Custer, Rush Limbaugh, Lord Sidcup, Bill O'Reilly, Satan, Ann Coulter, Adolf Hitler, Dick Cheney, Joseph Stalin, Condi Rice, Pol Pot, and Karl Rove. You know, for consistency.

That nice young Earl of Gurney. You know, the one who thinks he's Jesus... He's got so much in common with our President after all.

Captain Doily (Defender of all Things Frilly)
   
The seven dwarves

Humpty Dumpty

Habib Alisawra- Owner of the Persian Palace restaurant chain

Michael Jackson- put in there to control the 'fringe elements' of Amercian society, children definitely NOT included!!

Well for one, the White House could use a new set of cabinets, so I suppose Bush could use some carpenters and woodworkers.. Wait, that's not what you're looking for right?

Lord Fontleroy. Lord Fontleroy? Who the hell is Lord Fontleroy!?

* And a whole lot of love for a certain Secretary Vader…*

Darth Vader - We all know they're evil self serving bastards in his administration.  But at least this way they'd be cool evil self serving bastards.

I'll second Darth Vader. Because you KNOW he'd strangle half those other clowns before a week had passed.

Darth Vader (the Darth Vader in Star Wars and Empire Strikes Back that is) with a fully operational light sabre, or failing that, James Earl Jones
 

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