BAKER'S DOZEN--12/17/04

WHAT DO WANT FOR CHRISTMAS?


New Christmas specials. I'm particularly looking forward to "CSI: Hooville" and "Frosty the Desperate Housewife."

Everybody keeps asking me "What are you getting for Christmas?"  And I tell them "Dressed for work."  So I'd like some new one-liners!

Depends. What did you get? Is it portable? What's the black market resale value? Could you smell this and see if it's chloroform?

Immunity from prosecution.  Or a burger king Sponge Bob watch.

All I wanted was a pudding cup. Another Christmas ruined.

How about a nuclear weapon? All the cool kids seem to have them.

I understand that the administration is working on an educational Christmas special: "How the Grinch stole the WMDs from Iraq before we could find them."

Peace on Earth, goodwill among men, and a boot to the head.

For everyone to finally recognize "Atheists Who Don't Get Any Presents Day" as an official holiday.

It's a long-shot, I know, but I was hoping for an invasion of Iran. The whole Iraq thing has really lost its luster. 

Five golden ring-tones, four calling plans, three freedom hens, two chocolate Dove bars, and a Partridge Family CD.

Eight tiny venison roasts. Wish me luck!

As long as we're dreaming hopeless dreams, how about a new Baker's Dozen and Bossy the Cow cartoon every week?

See? Festivus just don't get no respect! 

A shadowy conspiracy of ruthless elves hidden at the heart of Rivendell.

Whirled Peas.

To get the trojan horse off my computer and get my browser settings back to normal. Norton, ad aware, spy bot: all useless. Only santa can help me now.
 
I've really got my sights set on a lump of coal. Ambitious, I know, but I'm a child of the 21st Century. 

Someone to do all my shopping for me... and, what the heck... to use their money doing it.

Kerry. Come on... no WAY Bush isn't on the naughty list.

A boyfriend

Er, my eight back teeth would be a nice start...

All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth!
 

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