BAKER'S DOZEN--7/14/04

WHAT WILL MICHAEL MOORE DO NEXT?

Spiderman - Threat or Menace?

Moore goes into the heart of Toontown to expose corruption in "Roger Rabbit & Me."

Probably get thrown out of someplace by a security guard.

Moore attempts to discover who authorized the Hollywood ripoff of Asimov in "Robot & I."

If Bush gets re-elected? Hard time.

With all of his earnings from having the top-grossing documentaries of all time, he loses his "Champion of the Poor" street cred, especially when he becomes a Republican.

Moore of the same.

"Twelve and a Crunch" - a hard-hitting documentary that takes a tough look at how many licks it takes to get to the tootsie roll center of a tootsie pop.

Who's the supreme fascist leader who's a sex machine with all the chicks ? It's Ill - Kim Jong Ill. And in his continuing pursuit of unelected fascist leaders who can do no wrong, Michael Moore is hoping to get Ill! Booted out of North Korea that is...

Always sticking up for the little guy, Moore goes on to direct "Faster Pudding Cup, Squash, Squash: The Timmy Miller Story."

Take out a hit on that guy who filmed "SuperSize Me."

Combining the appeal of Passion of the Christ with Fahrenheit 911- his film about how thoroughly religious zealots run our country will be shot entirely in Aramaic!

He's going to Disneyworld… to tear the place down!

I hear he's slated to direct the next Harry Potter movie.  He's gonna blow the doors off Dumbledore's patriarchal WASP training camp.

"Michael Moore's More Michael!  A documentary of Michael Jackson's quadruplets."

He's going to Disneyland!  (He's going to get to the bottom of the stories of deaths and cover-ups.  Maybe a non-interview with Michael Eisner...)

Four foul-mouthed high school dropouts have adventures in Flint, MI.  One of them is laid off in every episode.

He's a principal participant in a secret program to build a spaceship powered by paranoia.

He's going to Disneyworld. That mouse is up to something. And so's that governor....

Is a featured expert in a new documentary called "Lies, Damned Lies, and Statistics..."

I can guarantee you one thing he won't do -- shave!

Who cares? That new Siegfried and Roy cartoon is on!

He and Rush Limbaugh will take their two-man sumo debate on the road.

A contract is already inked to make him the fifth Fanta Girl:  "Gordo".

Thanks to the miracle of nanotechnology, Michael Moore is inside your colon right now, filming "Polyp & Me."

Crap! The amazing true story of the slander of Thomas Crapper!

Go to Disneyland. Where he came from.

An entire *series* of pseudo-documentaries based on classic sci-fi book titles:  "The Dime Machine", a scathing rebuke of the U.S Mint; "Eye, Robot", an expose that damns the ocular implant industry; and "The Andromeda Stain", a harsh look at the off-camera life of Kevin Sorbo.

The South Beach Diet, a visit with those Queer Guys and a guest spot on the Love Boat!

He's hoping to direct one of those Girls Gone Wild movies!

He'll be out of the re-education center quite soon with an uplifting message about the purity, decency and unimpeachable honesty of the Bush family!

Mooning the president.

"God Who?" -- a stinging expose on the corruption and power-trading in heaven.

"It's not all fun and..." -- a brutal look at the child- and slave-labor exploits in the games industry.

Make a film favorable to Greepeace's Save the Whales campaign, despite getting harpooned in a freak accident while filming.

MoveOn to the Democratic Underground the Day After Tomorrow.

Please, God.  Let the next thing he does be to shave his dewlap.  Pleeeeeeeeeeze.

Make a film to prevent Allawi from being re-elected.

At the next meeting of the Eat the Rich Club, he finds himself the main course.

Make a scathing, irreverent documentary about his shrinking waistline.  (Like his other films, this one manipulates the truth, too.)

Go after fluffy bunnies.

The Dance of Joy!

Change his name to Jack Barron, and bug HIMSELF!

An autobiographical documentary, "Moore of Me" - his "research" shows he was born in 1746, was the son of Winston Churchill, and conspired with Bob Hope's fetus to influence foreign policy in Belgium.

Ambush *another* Alzheimer's victim and pass it off as a legitimate interview.

In his most shocking move yet, Moore will go to school and learn Journalism, just to see what all the fuss is about.

Media-ocrity - The story of how 5 corrupt corporations control all the news we see and hear. Including the Question of the..........Um. Puppies! Michael Moore's new film is all about puppies! Aren't they adorable!?! Watch them romp on green lawns with sweet little white children! Puppies! What's not to like. :)


 

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