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Question of the Week 01/01/03: Our question this week comes from the inimitable Toby. Having heard of a theme restaurant in Las Vegas called "Red Square", with a design inspired by the former Soviet Union (including a drink called "Chernobyl" on the menu), he wants to know:WHAT WOULD MAKE A GOOD THEME FOR A RESTAURANT? Why, a taste of Old England, or course! Vegetables boiled for a minimum of three months, Mad Cow Surprise, puddings so heavy they bend light... where are you going? The AIDS Café - come on by for a tasty chemical cocktail. Our waitstaff will do their best to pretend that you don't exist! Admiral Ackbar's PLANET CALAMARI. You know the caviar is fresh... because your waitress makes it right at your table! IHoB - The International House of Botulism. MOM'S GUILTY KITCHEN. Where we ship your order off IMMEDIATELY to starving children in China. Now go to your room! Dubya's House of Compassionate Conservative Chow. Everything on menu marked as healthy; everything on menu actually loaded with sausage packing remainders. Bossy's House o' Soylent - "All our products is made with 100%... meat." The elegant Corporate Accountant, featuring a wide variety of dishes made with shredded ingredients! A Taste of Jar-Jar The LEPER COLONY: "We're Unclean!" The Hungry Tiger - There's a mouth-watering selection of fat babies on the menu, but you can't actually have any of them. The Hannibal Lecter Grille. Hey, if Alferd Packer can have his own restaurant, it's only fair… The Cook, the Thief, his Wife, and Our Restaurant. Bring your book club by for a taste of your favorite author! At the Gastrology Cafe, our waitstaff will guide you through your starchart, and help you select the meal you really ought to be eating today. Even if you aren't having a five star day, you can still enjoy five star dining. Be sure to visit our Chinese location! Moody's Bar and Grill - where the whole restaurant is like a giant mood ring. Know ahead of time whether your advances will be accepted by the color of his/her barstool. BINGE! A family restaurant... for the alcoholic in all of us. We take the "Grill" out of "Bar and Grill." Cola Wars - the entire menu is made up of competing Coke and Pepsi products. Big-screen TVs show the ads from the eighties. Every Wednesday night, there's a cage-fight between celebrity spokemen! Thug up with all your bling bling and shine at Hey Yo!s - PhatBurgers Fo'Shizzle, Cold shakes, no jakes and no L7s, Nah'mean? So be crunk cuz it's all gravy. Aiight? CASA FELCHITO. Eight Legs! - Home of the Squishy Meal (tm) And now our specials are even MORE special! "Yippee! i got a human head!" said little Xuxa (6 years old) Ragamuffin's: children run out of the kitchen with food clasped in their grubby hands. You pay for whatever you can capture. [ all eating of children to be reported to the local constable ] PBJ Friday's: Oh the staff's wacky Creamy/Chunky hijinks and kooky decorations of George Washington Carver memorabilia and antique Skippy containers make this a simply magical chain restaurant to get drunk. Butcher King: Bring your own cleaver or use ours. Either way and you can still take your complementary butcher's apron home for rover to chew on! Marie Antoinette's: For openers, enjoy a HEAD of lettuce (salad) or a HEAD of cabbage (cole slaw). All our entrees come with our famous Bastille Fries. Try some of our revolutionary liqueurs from the bar And don't forget to leave room for LetThemEat Cake (you can buy our recipe at http://www.freeway.fr/MARIE-ANTOINETTE/cake.html). The Restaurant George Sold Me. Home of the Custardy Boy! "Try our Frankfurters - they're good!" Build a Bigger Burrito: Watch workmen (and workwomen) assemble your burrito with stainless steel forklifts and bulldozers. Kentucky Fried Crap - Because anything tastes good when it's deep-fried! Upper Classa Bonita - where it's more than just inedible food, gorilla costumes, transplanted borscht-belt comedy and cliff diving. It's nearly edible food, gorilla costumes, transplanted borscht-belt comedy and cliff diving! VR-1. We hire gourmet cooks and Bakers, make the most succulent food, and then bring you only the vapor. This Horse's Anus Drunken Emeril Fights You! Bunny's House of Pancakes. "If you don't love your breakfast, I'll eat my hat!" Believe it or not there was a restaranut in Bethedsa Maryland for many years called Kabul West- take that Saddam *And with this week's longest answer, the inimitable Christopher Floyd…* A TASTE OF PHILOSOPHY. Our award-winning and journal-published chefs all boast gourmet credentials and doctorates in ontological studies. Looking for a light appetizer? Our Also Spracht Zucchini Bites deliver the zesty tang of those classic Nietzschean one-liners. Meat and potatoes type? Try the savory and discerning Aristotelian Cut -- 12 ounces of the most thought-provoking beef shank, drizzled in mouth-watering St. Aquinas Sauce. And don't forget to take a drink from the Phenomenology Bar! Cut loose and blur the line between subject and object with one of our consciousness-altering beverages, such as the Leviathan Iced Tea and the Anxious Dane. Remember our jingle: "In the land of PHILOSOPHY, we treat you according to the standards ethically required within an absolutist framework contingent upon our sensate experience of your being as an object with relational subject."
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