Question of the Week 12/18/03:

Obviously, the big news of the week is the capture of Saddam Hussein. But what happens now? I mean, let's face it, America loves celebrities, and if Winona Ryder and OJ Simpson could beat the rap, why should things be any different for Saddam? Sure, he's in hot water now, but just wait -- give him a week or two and he'll be starring on "The Surreal World 3" with Paris Hilton and Boy George. So, we want to know:

WHAT'S NEXT FOR SADDAM HUSSEIN?


It's all Johnny Cochran: "If the weapons ain't there, you gotta play fair."

Joe Millionaire 3. "We've told these 24 women that Saddam is a brutal dictator with 30 mansions, millions of dollars, and his own country. In fact, he lives in a hole in the ground and can't even afford shaving cream."

In a pathetic bid for new attention, Saddam will follow the lead of pop icon Prince and change his name. To Gomorrah.

Keep an eye on Yo MTV Raps, is all I'm saying: "My name is Saddam I'm gonna drop da bomb, got da weapons got da women got my own imam…"

Looney Tunes Cartoons!
"Would i do dat if my pal Saddam was in dere?"
"Ya might rabbit. Ya might..."

Coming soon to Fox TV: The Simple Life 2! If you liked the barnyard antics of socialite Paris Hilton, you'll LOVE watching this millionaire dictator leave his mansions behind and live in a tiny hole in the ground!

"Tom, I'll take Saddam in the corner square to block."

He'll get what he thinks is an excellent plea bargain deal: in lieu of jail, he'll simply be required to taste test American beef every now and then.

If he can't get a job with the WWF, I'll eat my hat.

Next up is Fear Factor 3000, starring this weeks special guest star...SADDAM HUSSEIN!

His spider hole will be featured in an upcoming episode of 'Trading Spaces'

al-Jonni Qoquran

Shave and a haircut, two bits.

He'll be playing Sylvester McMonkey McBean in the live action movie of The Sneetches, due to come out next Christmas.

With that beard, I'm thinking that he could easily replace the late Sir Richard Harris as Dumbledore in the next Harry Potter film.

I'm seeing one of those Vanilla Coke ads with the scary mobster guy.

Castro impressions.

I heard that they're going to dress him in an orange hoody and change his name to Kenny...

Let's just say it'll finally be worth it to watch the Super Bowl halftime show.

What's more real than reality TV? Find out as deposed dictator Saddam Hussein cruelly chooses between 12 candidates to be his US installed successor in this falls biggest hit "The Despot"

Once he learns that his first name is an anagram of "Mad" and "Sad", he will change his name to the slightly more complex "Everfile". Work it out.

A complete make-over by the Fab Five

He can finally get back to work on his screenplay for "The Werewolf of Tikrit"

Coming this summer to a city near you, it's the Roshambo Saddam Tour!

Blame society! D'uh.

Carve an antitank gun out of soap and lead the big escape.

By the looks of his physical, I'm recommending a long, hot shower.

"Saddam Hussein, this is your life!"

He'll appear on Jeopardy and select Third World Dictators for 35,000,000.

He'll get a very special visit from cancer (and chemotherapy) survivor Eloise Smegma of Plottsville, Pa. Though he will be baffled at first, he'll come to recognize her hairdo, and realize she's the proud recipient of his recent beard!

Top o the world, Allah! Top o the world!

As with Idi Amin, Manuel Noriega, Ferdinand Marcos and Michael Eisner, there's nothing left for Saddam but an appearance on "Celebrity Despot Poker".
It's not Stud. It's ain't Draw. And it's sure as hell not Texas Hold 'Em. It's just Red Hot Poker! Like the inquisition used to play.

Collect hush money. Shave beard. Open a convenience store.

Commentator role on FOX News

Guest Host on Letterman, followed by a stint as the replacement for Martha Stewart.

Joining the road company of "The Odd Couple" with Noriega

Shampoo, rinse, repeat...

Guest host of Saturday Night Live.

Will strangle self with noose made from own nose hair.

Do the words "Mack Daddy of Cellblock F" mean anything to you?


*And, of course…*

He's going to Disneyworld!
 

  Last Week's Question       Next Week's Question

This Week's Question          View the Archives       Keith Baker Home