|
|
|
Question of the Week 12/24/02: In the last days of 2002, it's time to look ahead to the future and ask yourself:WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM 2003? Let's just say that Wizards of the Coast could really help me out with this one. The last four months of the year renamed Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin, since that's all my friends will be talking about anyway. Frankly, I could do with a few less suicide bombings. Could someone look into that? When are we going to finally get rid of all those lousy restaurants and get a few more Taco Bells? Personally, I was hoping that George Bush might step down and let Strom Thurmond take over as president. Perhaps then we wouldn't have all these problems. Peace in the Midwest. What? You mean you don't know about the increasingly violent feud between the Omaha and Des Moines rappers? How about a massively multiplayer role-playing game set in the action-filled genre of pulp adventure! Oo! And give it private zones and a customized storyline for each player! What? Really? Aw, fuck. Peace on Earth, goodwill among men, and a big gun loaded with Teflon-coated bullets. 'Cause then those wussy peaceniks wouldn't stand a chance against me. Well, let's see. 2002 brought us berry-blasted Blue Pepsi; the crisp, refreshing taste of Vanilla Coke; and the funkadelic flavor of Dr Pepper Red Fusion. This year, I'd like to see Dr. Pepper Green Fusion - the first soda with the taste of green peppers; Pepsi Mauve; and the crisp, refreshing taste of Hamburger Coke. I want to create a human chain of love across the entire Korean peninsula, people holding hands across the DMZ and just accepting each other for who they are. Then, while they're distracted, I want to take over the North Korean government, so I can FINALLY be part of something as cool as the Axis of Evil! Man, this question could really be improved for the demographic. Howzabout, "Whatcha, whatcha, whatcha *want* for 2003?" I'd like Taco Bell to come up with some kind of exciting new menu item - like - a seven-layer burrito bar, or an eight-cheese tacorito. Either that, or to have them finally admit that they only serve one item and they just keep changing the name. To quote Jack Handey, I think I am not alone when I say that I would like to see more planets fall under the ruthless dominion of our solar system. A pony. Doesn't everyone want a pony? Come on, make with the pony. I'm waiting...Here pony, pony, pony. Star Trek 14, Wesley's Horrible Death Well, "Return of the King" is all well and good, but where's that three-part adaptation of "The Fountainhead" that the world's been waiting for? More reality TV shows, definitely. How about a show where these thirty women compete for this guy who's supposed to be a millionaire, but he's really five ducks in a battlesuit? To ESCAPE FROM NEW YORK, after I am hired by Lee van Cleef to save the President! And, if I get two things, then if everyone could call me "Snake," I'd appreciate it. That chick from "Alias". Is that really too much to ask? Well, you know, if everything really went my way this year, and a few balls fall into my court, a few ships come in.... I just might be able to get my hands on a very lovely ring I hear just came in to Mordor last week... What? Why, yes, since you ask, I AM Sauron, the Enemy and Dark Lord. Cheez grayta, yo. Cheez grayta. I'd like Fox to cancel "John Doe" and keep "Firefly." What? The other way round? Those guys need to get hearing aids, or something. Pot in every chicken The strength of ten Grinches (plus two). Just to make it through to 2004 happy, healthy and/or in one piece would be good enough for me! To know "Who is Number One? Be a palindrome dammit! (I guess last year and really spoiled me) All the money in small unmarked bills. And a car that's big and gets really shitty gas mileage. A do-over for years 1983, 1984, 1985, 1988,1990, 1991, 1996, 1998, 1999, 2000, 2001 and 2002. A president actually elected by the majority of voters. For Kristin Gore to be President and for W. to write for Futurama... Actually that would never work. He's just not qualified. No more "misunderstood" questions of the week. But of course I'm ... probably just too picky.. I'd like to be trusted after I hit thirty. Trusted by all the DOOFUSES! Duh--I want rock'n'roll. Oooooooh yeah yeah! Rock of Ages... Isn't it about time for a homosexual edition of "The Bachelor"? Tom DeLay! You're next! Car in every garage, chicken in every pot, pancake on every bunnyhead * And from someone who might actually get what he wants…* I want to smash Timmy's pudding cup, sing along with Leonard Nimoy, wear more purple to honor corporate makeovers, and hear more inside jokes from the question of the week answers.
|
