Question of the Week -08/18/02:

It's been almost a century since L. Frank Baum wrote "The Wizard of Oz." Just looking at the US, it's clear how much things can change in that period of time. So this week we want to know:

WHAT'S GOING ON IN OZ?

 
Bowling averages are way up, mini-golf scores are way down, and they have more excellent waterslides than any other planet they communicate with.

Dorothy travels again to the land of Oz, although this time she is made someone's bitch, converts to Islam, and then leads a race riot, finally putting the shiv to Vern Shillinger.

Due to concerns about cholesterol, the Hungry Tiger now dreams of eating new Olestra NoFat Babies.

I'm just trying to get both my shoes out of this bad area.

Dorothy goes back to the new and improved Oz, with 45% more flying monkeys. Remember, Flying Monkey = Funny.

With the absence of Dorothy, Scarecrow has settled on a new sidekick: Mrs. King.

Rampant commercialization.  How about a little flame-broiled patty, Scarecrow?!

L. Frank Baum replaced by still-living brain of L. Ron Hubbard.  Dorothy returns to battle her reactive mind, only to discover a plot to control Oz by Xemu, the evil space tyrant.

Tin Man now constructed of high-impact plastics.

After Dorothy, wicked witches have become a protected and endangered species, and are receive government aid.  The Flying Monkey Independence Organization, the FMIO, actively pursuing a guerilla campaign for restoration of their homeland.  The Wizard was caught in a major accounting scandal where it turns out the yellow brick road not made of gold at all, but ordinary bricks painted gold.

Wizard is considering a new military assault to stop Wonderland from creating weapons of mass absurdity.  Representatives of Never Never Land and the Thousand Acre Wood have announced their opposition to the move, stating that it will undermine the stability of children's imaginations.

Terrorist organization calls itself Al-Quadling.

Glinda has finally destroyed the last copy of "Glen or Glinda" and continues to put her transvestite past behind her.

Ojo the Unlucky finally gets lucky.

CBS presents "Survivor: Isle of Ashangabad". (Critics dub it "Gillikin's Island".)

Smith & Tinker sue makers of "Iron Giant" for unauthorized use of their patents.

ABC presents "Scowleyow Blue".

Squeedonia is a base of operations for the Dilidaliban.

NBC presents "Leave It To The Fairy Beavers".

Oz returns to Sunnydale yet AGAIN, bringing his new gay werewolf friend (not that there is anything wrong with that).  Oz and Willow get into a heated exchange about their time at Band Camp and the "flute incident".

Dorothy returns to Oz for the remake.  Ruby Slippers are replaced by Nike Crosstrainers.  They travel to the Emeril City on the Elton John Memorial Yellow Brick Road.  When they get there, they meet Emeril who "kicks it up a notch" by giving them all parting gifts. The Tin Man is given Jarvic Seven Artificial Heart.  Cowardly Lion is sent to the Landmark Forum (tm) for courage training.   The Scarecrow is given an HP-Compaq brain (with Intel Inside) and taught the three-finger salute.  Dorothy is given tickets home on Vanguard Airlines.

Frank Oz, who specializes in giving voices to green actors, returns to do the voice of "The Hulk".  The Hulk unfortunately sounds remarkably like Yoda and people just can't help laughing.

W's alliance with the Nome King and plan to drill for cod-liver-oil in the Deadly Desert has met with spirited resistance and talk of war against "The Great Usurper".

Helen Hunt and Bill Paxton are swept up by their Twister and land in Oz. Wackiness ensues.   "Game over, man, game over."

Queen Langwidere of Ev takes Martha Stewart's Head. Ev now tidier than Oz.

Dorothy goes to the land of Oz, where she meets this disfuctional and yet oddly endearing family of misfits and ex-rockstars.

Cold War with Ev officially ends with the fall of The Great Sandy Wall.

All's I know is some inmate's gonna buy it in Cell Block C, but I ain't sayin' nuttin more without a deal on my sentence.

Quox Quietly Quilts.

Polychrome back to colorful self after her "Monochrome" period of the 80s

Army of Oogaboo forced to change name or lose Government funding.

Jack Pumpkinhead declared Mayor of Simpleton. In first act as mayor, taps Andy Partridge to head the Imperial Cornet Band of Oz.

Wishing Pills found to be ideal cure for hair loss and the heartbreak of psoriasis.

The band Kansas performs nightly at the Winkieland Fair.  (Sign reads: KANSAS and puppet show)

The Nome King has a Final Solution for the Oompa Loompa Problem.

Lots of car chases - but nothing can beat that Subaru Outback.

C-Span presents a speech by the Chairman Pro Tempore of the Lollipop Guild on the rising cost of imports across the Great Sandy Wastes.
::sigh::
C-Span recommends viewing the televised beheadings from the Red Jinn's Castle, broadcast live on ESPN.

I'll ask my sister, (she lives in Tasmania), and report back to you.

Dick Cheney being kept hidden just outside of Scoodlers.

It turns out that Algernon Montcrief HAS been visiting Bunbury after all - not to care for "dreadful invalids" as he has so often claimed, but rather to devour them (often with a nice cucumber sandwich or six).

Great take-out from Quok Wok.

Mulgravia holds annual Kate Mulgrew convention.

The Island Of Civilized Monkeys made George W. Bush an honorary member.

Due to heightened security checks, farm-houses dropping from the star Kansas are stacked up over Munchkinland.

Can't decide between taking the Yellow Brick Road or the Sand Boat?  Let the Ringbearer decide for you at Bag-End Travel!

Emerald City prostitutes have only one taboo - no blow jobs to men made of straw

Palantiri are for local calls only - roaming charges are steep!

Birthday of Dr. Miguelito Loveless is celebrated as holiday.

The flying monkeys and the "Oh-ee-oh" guys have finally made peace.

Opie and Anthony encourage Growlywog couples to perform sex in the Sugar Pyramids while on the radio.

Pudding Cups are outlawed in the Kingdom of Ix.

Didn't you hear?  It's now ZARDOZ, and it stars an amazingly young Sean Connery and a flying stone head.

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