BAKER'S DOZEN--3/8/05

WHAT WILL MARTHA STEWART DO NEXT?


Pass go, collect $200.

Three words: Pancakes as headwear. Of course, she thinks it's an original idea...

Coming home to find her plants are dead, her family is starving, and there's been a slave revolt, darnit.

Three words: Girls Gone Wild.

She'll be teaming up with the Riddler and the Joker and the Penguin and descending on Gotham City.  Meanwhile, at stately Enron Headquarters.......

Being in prison has loosened her up a little. Her new catchphrase? "It's all good."

Same thing we do every night, Pinky: TRY TO TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

"You WILL learn to respect me, my young padawan."

Samuel L. Bronkowitz presents: "Decorator Dominatrix!" - A Troma film

"There are a lot of lovely things you can do with a bar of soap."

She will create a designer dungeon of course.

She starts a reality TV show so she can get her own "prison bitch."

She is astounded that her little K-Mart has merged with Sears, but receives heartwarming comfort at the gift of a pool of sharks with laser beams on their heads.

Preparing to welcome our new robotic overlords with a tastefully designed party (featuring creme fraiché.)

Using her legion of color coordinated drones she will enslave all mankind.  She will exclaim "Being an evil warlord: It's a good thing."

Hoping she doesn't roll a 9.  New York has a hotel!

Now that she's learned how easy it was to kill another human while in prison, there'll be no stopping her.  Take it from me, once you've tasted human blood --#  Oops.  Said too much......

Make more money.

She will become a goon

Plotting the assassination of Kimberly from Wickedly Perfect, and ensuring that the ninjas are color-coordinated.

She's going to ding-a-ding-dang her dang-along ling-long.

What will Martha Stewart do next? Why, Oolong, of course!

She'll be in seclusion while recovering from the removal of the tattoo she got behind bars.  But at least it was tastefully applied.

Following in the footsteps of Charles Kurault and Leonard Nimoy, the plans to go "On the Road" "In Search Of" the people who used to answer the QOW on a regular basis. Were they hushed up by the secret conspiracy of evil men at the very heart of our government? Starved to death by our new kinder gentler economy? Perhaps they are all overseas fighting for "our country". Inquiring minds want to know!
 

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