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Text: Keith Baker        Tech: Ellen "Honeycakes" Baker     Art: Lee Moyer

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BAKER'S DOZEN--9/23/04

WHAT WILL HAPPEN TO THE BAKERS IN AUSTRALIA?
 

They'll bonzer a fair dinkum up the wagdoodle shirley, mate.

They make a terrible discovery: "Vegemite is people! IT'S PEOPLE!!!"

Urban legends proven false when a dingo eats their twinkie.

To their amazement, they find the kangaroos have taken up the fashion of wearing pancakes on their heads. As they disembark, the headlines read "Dozens Trapped in IHOP by Hordes of Swarming Roos"

Drizzt "Crocodile" do'Hogan says, "That's not a Twinkle. THIS is a Twinkle."

After crashing in the bush, the Bakers will join a dingo pack and survive for five weeks by eating babies. Mmmm, that's good baby!

It's what's going to happen to them when they fly back from Australia - on the always doomed Oceanic Airlines.  ('Lost', 'Executive Decision', 'Code 11-14', 'Nowhere To Land') Keith will probably see a man on the wing.......

They'll join forces with Tintin, Tam Lin, and Rin-Tin-Tin to solve the Mystery of the Ten Tim-Tams.

The women will roar and the men will chunder, if 1980s pop music is to be believed.

In another vicious twist in the low-carb diet invasion, Australia outlaws all bakers and in brazen irony ships them back to Great Britain. What? Bakers? OHHHHhhhhh.....

All I can say is if a kangaroo named Jack comes hopping up to you guys DO NOT put your jacket filled with mob money on him to take cute pictures!!!

As Keith places his hand over the spot where the ancient Aborigines painted Ayer's Rock, he is magically transported to his home planet prematurely. Watch how his appearance causes jocularity to ensue amongst his usually stoic mates this Wednesday night on "The Bakes Down Under".

The Bakers will be bullied by the Australian Butchers and Candlestick-makers.....   Okay, I admit it.  I got nothing.

Dis-illusioned that the tasmanian devils are _in_fact_ tiny, blind, and lazy they cancel their "save the tassie devils" bikini carwash.  Keith sadly takes his bikini and goes home...

They discover the delicacy that is vegemite.

All the blood will rush to their heads.

Eaten by dingoes.

Babies eaten by dingoes.

Firsthand evidence of the fact that 9 of the world's 10 most poisonous snakes live Down Under! Yowza!

Maybe… Just MAYBE… the dingo will eat their baby.

Well since the DUTTON's are going to be in Australia the week after that.. in an efficient world we'd have shared plans and actually seen each other there.....

 

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