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Question of the Week -08/23/02: What with the rising standards of reality TV,WHAT WILL BE NEW IN SURVIVOR: THAILAND? The only thought to enter my mind was: Survivor is still around? Each tribe will be made up of two sailors, a millionaire-and-wife team, a bartender-actress, a scientist, and a wholesome farm girl. King of Siam and blond British school marm keep dancing through the camps, singing happy, upbeat songs. Instead of voting, tribal council will be resolved by Mortal Kombat. Meditation becomes a must for survival in this 2 year trip. The contestants get only one glass of water and 3 blades of grass. Some are set up in the Somerset Maughm Suite. Jeff Probst replaced by Charlie from "Charlie's Angels"; female tribe constantly sent on dangerous espionage challenges. Product placement will reach new levels with the first challenge: build a TriCon Kentucky Fried Taco Hut franchise. The contestants who get voted off have to work in the KFTH for the remainder of the show. Pungi Sticks! Half the people keep thinking that they're in Taiwan, not Thailand. Tom will finally catch Jerry. Voting rituals replaced by the "Keg stand-off" Surviving Bangkok Traffic. Contestants will have to board a TokTok - a vehicle the cross between a tax-cab and a tricycle - and brave the seemingly random application of traffic laws on Bangkok 12 lane expressways. Can they make it? One Night in Bangkok- 20 days in a Thai Prison. Another lame battle of the sexes where neither of us come off looking very good. Let the gender stereotyping begin! The Pat Pong immunity challenge will be a definite first for network TV. A side of peanut sauce costs $15.00 and results in automatic loss of the immunity challenge. Everyone's wearing thick, fur-lined parkas. Everyone keeps asking to see the porn guy's "equipment." Lisa Kudrow makes a guest appearance as her character Phoebe from "Friends", does the "Oh Oh Oh" thing with the flapping hand gestures, inadvertently summoning Cthulhu (KUH-THOO-LOO), which puts a whole new spin on the meaning of "Survivor". Carnivorous plants, which have been starved for months, and have been trained to eat only human flesh, will be transplanted to strategically significant camp locations. The Death Ray Challenge. Heroine Smuggling. This week's challenge: Stage a production of "Uncle Tom's Cabin." Happy little Topsy ... The 20 mile rat "Catch N' Fry" endurance/eating competition New challenges test Survivors sense of reason; taste See, this is difficult. I mean, these people will all lead the same pathetic self-centered lives all the other contestants have. We'll see the cute perky one. We'll see the bitch. We'll see the nice old guy who still loses. Then there'll be the jock with issues who sleeps with the cool black chick. The only thing that could ~possibly~ be different is the crew will FINALLY FUCKING get Starbucks brought in. I mean, jeezus... why the hell do we have unions anyway?!?
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