Question of the Week 11/20/02:

What with CSI, CSI: Miami, a host of Law & Orders, and now Without a Trace and Robbery/Homicide -- not to mention two new "Hunter" TV movies -- cop shows seem to be bigger than ever. We want to know:

WHAT WILL BE THE NEXT BIG  CRIME DRAMA?

Cop Rock: American Idol Unit

Hill Street Blues Clues

Law & Order: SUV

Two Guys, a Girl, and a Robbery-Homicide Division.

Banking on the vast success of "Law & Order", studio execs have green-lit "Crime & Punishment", starring Jerry Orbeck as Raskolnikov and Pamela Anderson as the unfortunate Alyona Ivanovna.

"CSI: Arrakis" gets old quickly, as not a single episode can resist having the team solve a murder in which the weapon is the name Muad'Dib.

Law & Endor

Crime Dog McGruff - a talking dog sniffs out trouble with the help of some meddling kids... Nah, that'd never sell.

America's Least Wanted

The West Wing!  Haha!  Get it?

CHaPs - The far more polite British version of "CHiPs", focusing on the exploits of the Cambridge Highway Patrol. Instead of having a car wreck each episode, there is a pause for tea.

TJ Hooker - The Next Generation.

Dude, Where's that Murderer?

Good Morning, CSI: Miami.  Will what's his face and what's her name ever get together when some yucky corpse keeps getting in the way?  Hey, why not get Don Johnson and tack on "Vice" while we're at it?

Law & Order: The Anna Nicole Smith Show

Law and Order: Congressional Misconduct

"So Sue Me" - CourtTV's ripped from the court-docket series starring Jackie Mason

Being John Ashcroft

Isn't it about time to bring back Barney Miller?

CourtTV Presents "The Prisoner".  Starring Patrick McGoohan in a real-life drama illustrating the dangers of new law enforcement powers on the civil
liberties of American citizens.

Look, let's not even talk about more crime shows until we've seen the pasty naked asses of the leading men of all the CURRENT shows, alright?

Slumping in the ratings, The Real World is secretly retooled as Survivor: Home Invasion.   Participants are not warned.

Total Information Awareness Squad.  "They know what you did every summer."

L.A. Slaw - Susan Dey stars in this exciting cafeteria drama!

I'm boycotting all these shows until they bring back my "COP ROCK"!

Crime and Counseling: A Lifetime Original Series

Law and Order. . Special Social Workers Unit

Peter Lorre and Vincent Price star as antique dealers who fight crime! But despite strong ratings, there will be only 1 episode (as both leads are now dead).

CSI: Cabot Cove, Maine  (Jessica Fletcher *finally* arrested)

Law & Order: The Hamburgler's Intent

The Martha Stewart Story

Squashed: The Miller Pudding Cup Tragedy

Personally, I can't wait for CSI: Longmont.

Who Took Tina's Teeth?

"Alligator Shoes" - an earnest young detective tries to navigate a complex and murky underworld to return beautiful skin to its rightful owner.

"Detective Who" - the Tardis is a more reliable future crime tool than those three hot tubbing albinos in Minority Report

"Steal the Vote" - nobody knows who the new president is because a fleet of voting machines has been kidnapped by your hated opposition.

The Overdue Enforcer - adventures in America's libraries

Jaywalkers - the city is overrun by foolish risk-takers.

Scene stealers - Well paid agents for A-list movie stars track down unknown character actors who dare to have more talent than their clients - and beat them up.

Where's My Organ? - medical malpractice attorneys investigate unexplained transplants, wrong side surgeries, and stranger medical mysteries.

Who Stole The Kishka? - a modern interpretation of the well-known (for a polka) polka regarding a missing blood sausage. The latest buzz is over the network's decision to censor the line "round and firm and fully packed."

Dying for Originality

Felching: A Smurfy True Story

Law & Order: Moving Violation

Survivor: Homicide Division

Martha Stewart Living

* And in one of the biggest answer sweeps in QoW history, Toby from NYC: *

AUFF THE PIG - a puppet show with a 60s flavor
BATTLEBOT COPS
BILL MAHER, PI P.I.
BODY CAVITY SEARCH SQUAD
CELEBRITY CHALK OUTLINES

COLUMBO'S DOG - couldn't do any worse than a show called "Mrs. Columbo"! (2 votes)
CSI: MAYBERRY
ECPD - Emerald City Police Department
FOOTE IN THE GRAVE - Horton Foote hosts a series on celebrity exhumations
FOP COPS - set during the Jacobean era
FRY THE BASTARD! - game show in which the winner gets to pull the switch on a death row inmate
GOT CHRISTIE LOVE - starring the late Theresa Graves (pilot episode only)

HOLMES AND HOME-BOY (Sherlock Holmes on UPN)

THE HAPPY HOMEMAKER MYSTERY HOUR

J.K. ROWLING'S HOGWARTS DETENTION HALL

JUDAS ISCARIOT, PRIVATE EYE

JULIA CHILD IN THE SURETE

"MORGUE" FAIRCHILD

MR. ED, CRIME-SOLVER

MURDER SHE COMMITTED, THEN WROTE

NO SKIN OFF MY NOSE - THE MICHAEL JACKSON BABY-DANGLE CASE (movie made for Lifetime: television for women)

POLITICALLY INCORRECT MYSTERIES PRESENTS "HOMOCIDE: LIFE UP THE ARSE"

PUBLISHER'S CLEARING HOUSE PRIZE PATROL STRIKE FORCE!

THE PUDDING CUP MURDERS - a Timmy Miller made for TV movie

ROBYN HITCHCOCK PRESENTS

STAR TREK: NATURAL BORG KILLERS

STAR WARS AND HUTCH (with JarJar as Huggy Binks)

STRAWBERRY TORT - courtroom drama with Strawberry Shortcake characters

THOMAS MAGNUM, JEHOVAH'S WITNESS

TIN PAN O'MALLEY, ASCAP COP

And finally…
 

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