Question of the Week 1/1/04:

Well, it's a new year, so it's time to ask the obvious:

WHAT WILL BE THE BIGGEST SURPRISE OF 2004?


Bush buried in landslide. Literally.

New version of Napster declared "illegally lame".

Gollum/Smeagol gets own talk show-
"We hateses the fat Limbaugh".
"We also hateses the fat Limbaugh"!

Pope John Paul II survives the entire year, creates a Palestinian peace settlement that all agree is fair, gets China to agree to allow a semi-autonomous theocracy led by the Dali Lama to govern Tibet, and resurrects a litter of puppies drowned in the Tigris river by fascists 70 years ago.  He is remembered, however, for his policies on birth control and female priests.

It's just 2003 lite.

Saddam Hussein turns out to be Ashton Kutcher. You were punk'd, Dubbya!

First Lord of the Rings sequels released. The trilogy that begins with Lord of the Rings: Sauron's Revenge ends in 2008 with Lord of the Rings: Curse of the Prancing Pony.

God returns from his long vacation at last to find he has about 800 million billion emails to answer. And that whole Viagra thing is starting to piss him off...

Christian world mourns the death of Pope John Paul, but is intrigued by the coming of his replacement Pope George Ringo (nee Britney Spears)!

STILL no hover-cars or personal rocket packs - I mean come on, people!

Well, I didn't see the whole "Brittany Spears-Vegas-wedding-thing" coming, that's for sure. I would have put my money on "drug-bust-with-embarrassing-nose-bleed-photo."

OJ Simpson finds the real killer.
It's Jerry lee Lewis.

Beatles rerelease "Sgt. Peppers" album as "Sgt. Peppers With No Anchovies Please. To Go"

No one saw Britany Spears' rise to American demagoguery coming.  Her army of pre-teen zealots crush the Louisianna national guard, and she creates the Independent Republic of Louisianna.

Freaky Friday beats out Return of the King for the Oscar for best special effects... I mean, do you REALLY think Jamie Lee Curtis even knows what a guitar IS?

Or better yet... "What Oscar WON'T Return of the King win?"

Michael Jackson returns to Aldebaran.

New Dr. Seuss book- actually ghost-written by Dr. Seuss!

Terrorism Tsar Tom Ridge creates a mandatory reading list, and begins speaks extemporaneously about earth's reversing magnetic field, tsunamis and the ebola virus. We'll all sleep much more soundly.

President decides to suspend "War on Drugs", after he realizes that the army cannot "Fight just as good while I'm stoned. You should see man. It's awesome."

Lord of the Rings 4!

Bunnies. Must be bunnies.

We're going to Mars!

Nixon is re-elected.

Nightcaster III is a major hit.

During entire month of April, no one can find any files online.

2004 kind of a comedown what with the diminished hobbit count.

Indiana wins 2004 State of the Union!

CUBS WI--...  wih... wih... sorry, just can't go *that* far.

Just in case, Ashton Kutcher & crew banned from Florida for November.

Trickle down economics, it's not just for breakfast anymore.

At the end of the sixth and seventh books of Stephen King's "Dark Tower" series, it turns out that little Jake Chambers finally reaches the top of the tower, only to wake up in his New York apartment to find it had all been a dream! A dream!!

Investors rush to bio-tech industries, explaining to everyone that bio-tech won't be overinflated like the dot-com boom because these companies have real products that can help real people--I mean, look at the company that promises to deliver cosmetic ethnic modifications in the next six months.  Become Japanese or Hutu in six weeks or less--that's money in the bank.

No terror attacks succeed on US soil during 2004.

Disney execs their follow controversial announcement of last year (to
make no more traditionally animated "2D" features) with a new vow. To
make no more lame condescending heartless brainless plotless sacharine
crappy musicals with faded pop-stars.

Justice Antonin Scalia becomes Justice Antonia Scalia- the hairiest woman on Capital Hill!

If I tole ya, it wouldn't be a surprise!!

Okay... biggest surprise for 2004... hm... well, I know something that WON'T be a surprise... that THIS Answer of the Week won't make it to the top of the list.
 

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