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Question of the Week 4/19/04: As Star Trek has shown us, successful TV series never die -- they get spun off endlessly until they collapse under their own weight. Change the time period, do something to capture the mood of the original while giving the fans something new to play with, and you're all set. So with that in mind, looking to the fall TV season, we want to know: WHAT WILL WE SEE ON "SEX AND THE CITY: THE NEXT GENERATION"?
When Captain Kirk
meets Samantha Jones, he boldly goes where many men have gone before.
Babies in the Suburbs, natch. Carrie is... sensing... a pun... Brady, now an annoying teenager who strangely resembles Will Wheaton, grows up to become the ultimate fashion intelligence and moves to a region beyond time, space, and Prada. People feel that he was clearly a representation of Darren Star's ego. Frank Gorshin appears in dual roles. "I'm wearing brown shoes with a blue suit. He's wearing BLUE shoes with a BROWN suit." In pursuit of a story, Carrie must go undercover at a strip club. But will she fall prey to her own dark desires? (We did mention that the new show will be on Cinemax, right?) "Captain Bradshaw! There's Manolos off the starboard bow, sir!" "Fire Prada torpedoes!" Carrie continues her misguided fling with the mysterious "Mr. Q". Samantha finally meets the perfect man, but has problems with an unexpected "spatial anomaly". A new beverage-related catch-phrase: "Cosmopolitan, lemon twist, chilled." Actually, it's going to be "Sex and the Vampire Slayer": "Into every generation, a neurotic, pun-slinging sexpot is born…" "Hey Angel - Is that a stake in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?" New levels of scatological-sexual humor when Picard wants to watch Samantha do Number One. Samantha is mortified when Charlotte goes to Jerusalem and doesn't visit the Sexateria. Hellooooo, Nurse… Chapel. Seven of Sixty… well, you know. A transporter accident turns Samantha into Sath, A Man. Holmesian antics on the holodeck replaced with reproductions of Anais Nin. Samantha gets a new apartment in the meat-replicating district. Two guys, a girl, and a pizza place. But with more sleazy saxophone music. More shoes and breasts. That's about it. "Q" replaced by the sleazier "O". We'll see sex. And cities. Mostly it will be exactly the same except it's...IN SPACE!! Squire of Gothos replaced by Marquis de Sade. While Q is now an ultrahip club, the basic Q concept of total freedom, power to fulfill any wish, and messing with your head maintains its integrity. The show will boldly go where no sexually frustrated, neurotic people have gone before. Galactic peace and spandex uniforms. Samantha is revealed to be a sex-based lifeform. Spokane. There will be an annoying know-it-all teenager named Leslie Crusher. Little girls asking their mothers about sex, then screaming "TMI!" Well, seeing how successful "Law & Order" star Chris Noth was in the role of Mr. Big, I'm expecting to see a lot of Jerry Orbach in the next series. Kyle Maclaughlin combines two memorable roles to become the impotent Kwisatz Haderach. Do I even have to mention the gallons of milky white fluid? The gang must compromise the Prime Directive to stop a grisly and expensive war between the Manolos and the Blahniks. It features all of the children of the original characters, and their wacky conflicts with their parents over their own exploits. This time: All the characters are puppets! New FCC regulations prohibit the word "sex" in the title of the show. It's just called "And the City:TNG" The new sex columnist will have a larger budget for more ergonomic lovers. Far more proof that Data is "fully functional". Well, on Star Trek: TNG, every week there's a new race with an entirely different set of forehead bumps. On Sex and the Next Generation, every week there's a new race with an entirely new set of… never mind. "You're very complicated, sir." Samantha's warning to a potential shopper: "It'll beam your **** off." A very special Cialis episode!!!
Teenage Carrie
pines for Class President Big in "Sex and the Smallville."
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