Question of the Week 07/23/03:

With "Gigli" approaching and rumors of a J-Lo/Ben Affleck remake of "Casablanca", we want to know:

WHAT SHOULD J-LO AND BEN AFFLECK DO NEXT?


Go away…forever…

National Lampoons' Class Distinction! He's a WASP boy. She's a FLY girl. They have only one thing in common- Hilarity!

J-Lo doesn't need to do anything else, now that she's got that insurance. Y'know, Affleck.

Hey! Why don't they put on a show?

He's an obnoxious and overrated "actor" from Boston.  She's from the block and packin' serious booty.  They fight crime!

God willing, some sort of tubes will be tied.

She's J.Lo.  He becomes B.Aff.  They name their first child JellO Biafra.  What?  Well, tell him to change his name; what's he done with it lately?

An updated remake of "The Fly" called "The Fly Girl". Jenny from the block stars as a scientist who's keepin' it real for her homies, by using teleportation to remove some excess bootie. Classic fine line changed from "Help me... help meeee!" to "Hump me... hump meeee!". Ben obliges.

They should do the best thing for the American moviegoing audience that has
given them so much over the years: Break up.

They need to change Ben's name.  Nicknamers can't do anything with "Ben
Affleck."  B-Aff just ain't gonna work and B-Fleck sounds too much like Bela
Fleck of "Flecktones" fame.  The pop media shouldn't have to put up with
this kind of nonsense for much longer!

Damned Yankees. Whatever J.Lo wants, J. Lo gets...

Oh, I don't know. Once Casablanca is done, I'm seeing Gone With The Wind, maybe Titanic, and then, God willing, one of those films where the star got killed during filming.

Gigli vs MechaGigli

Well, since they already are at the top of their game, I think they should run for co-president. Or perhaps run against each other for president. Either way, they couldn't be any worse than what we have now.

Start a banjo tribute band, Ben Affleck and the Afflecktones, with J-Lo on tambourine.

Bringing Up Booty!

Gigli 2 - Electric Boogaloo!

Play the leads in a touring company of "Minority Report - On Ice"

The same thing they do every day Pinky... Conquer the world!

Work the weekend shift at their local Chuckie Cheese's

"Gigli, Gigot, Topo Gigio And Gigantor Get Jiggy With It"

Cross-marketing with Jello:  "Watch it wiggle, see it jiggle, smooth and fruity, JLO Brand Gelatin…"

I think that given J-Lo's current marriage pace she's a shoe in for the Elizabeth Taylor story.  Sure she doesn't look anything like her but she ACTS like her.  Ben can play Eddie Fisher and Carrie Fisher can play her own mother.  Fun for everyone!

Go blond. Or was it "Go blind"?

Create the "Get a JLO Butt" fund, to help fund butt augmentation surgery for up-and-coming b-movie stars.

Those two!  They'd better keep their white hot passion out of the West's tinder-dry forests!

I still don't know what she sees in that talking duck. AFLAC indeed...

Learn to act. I mean really... Others have done it. Would it be so much to ask?

"Gigli - The Musical"

After "Casablanca" the couple will be tackling another film classic remake:
"2001 -- A Space Odyssey".  Ben will play a monkey and J-Lo will be a
smooth-skinned black monolith that teaches humanity how to get jiggy!
Audiences will talk for years about the stunningly mysterious final
"Love-Child" sequence.

Go to Israel and try to create peace between the Israelis and the Palestinians.  Other unskilled and untalented have already tried and failed this year.

Explain the name of the new Volvo SUV, the Touareg.  What the *hell* is a Touareg?   Nope, I ain't Googlin' jack shit.   I want to hear it from celebrities!

You hold their heads still, I'll get the pancakes...

I hear Ben plans to ask her to change her name to Amy...

Revive "The Mind Of A Married Man" with themselves in the leads and this time play it like it really was a comedy!

I am thinking another great movie, something about their relationship.  Something like this… http://www.somethingawful.com/articles.php?a=431&p=7

Each other?  Oh.  Wait.....

Ashton Kutchner in his underwear.

Invite Matt Damon to join them in the premiere episode of "Celebrity Menage a Trois" on FOX

Hey--whoever thinks they'll be seeing me on TNN, I'll pay you more to just give back the tape, no questions asked.  Hmmm... can't really afford cash... how about dinner?  Hope you like cabbage and beans!

Whatever they end up doing, I'm sure it'll be aired on some Spike TV show with a moaning-intensive dubtrack.

Shut the hell up!

Well I for one think that they have found true love, their perfect soul mate if you will, and will have one of those rare Hollywood partnerships that stretches across the ages setting an example of how a relationship can endure despite the pressures of tinsel town. It's not like either of them has a history of short marriages and doomed relationships. What's that? Twice? For how long? I didn't know that! But what about Ben? Seen with HOW MANY? Hmmmm. I need to watch more Entertainment Tonight. Well then...am I allowed to change my answer? I can? What with this new info about J-Lo and Chris and J-Lo and Puffy and Ben and well EVERYONE, I think they should just get on with the wedding, proclaim their undying love for each other, state publicly that they will be together forever and be divorced in 3 months, 6 tops.

 

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