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Question of the Week 08/07/03:T
Our question this
week comes from young Graeme Davis. He passes along this exciting story:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/business/3101849.stm.
To make a short story
shorter, a Japanese corporation is preparing to sell luxury toilets on the
international market. For only $4,000, you can have a "21st century toilet"
packed with high-tech gadgetry. But what do you expect for your $4,000? We want
to know:
WHAT DO YOU
WANT FROM YOUR JAPANESE LUXURY TOILET?
"Luke, you've
turned off your targeting computer! What's wrong?"
Must be able to defeat the Smog Monster. Must also defeat Gamera, Ghidra and
Mecha-Japanese-Luxury-Toilet.
It needs some feature to automatically remove things stuck in the toilet. Like,
you know, the economy and stuff.
How can you go wrong with Rich Corinthian Leather?
"Toiletchu, I choose you!"
I wanna ROCK! You know... To put in the tank so it conserves water. For
$4,000, it should come with one preinstalled.
All I can say is, it better save John Connor or we're all screwed.
Be able to play the new hot game that's all the rage in Japan - Poop Poop
Revolution! Eeeeee!
While I'm excited about owning my very own Japanese luxury toilet, I'm afraid
that I'll have to compete against the Toilet Acrobatic Team.
At that price, I just know there's a pony in there somewhere.
No smart-ass comments. Instead, smart ass-comments.
I just want to know one thing: Why is it made out of graham crackers?
Hey, look everybody! The next D&D movie is already in there! That's one smart
toilet.
Holy Crap!
Uh, it to cost less than $4K?
If it could keep my vigorously unprofitable, conceptually circumspect dot-com
from going bankrupt, I'll build a whole top floor for it with a snazzy
"executive bathroom." Please, God, I-- what? Why, yes. My name is Mike Moniz.
Hi-C Fruit Punch bidet! Eeeeee!
I want it to be large enough to have a real live Ti-D-Bowl man paddling around
in a little boat.
Wadded up toilet paper would look like origami before it goes down the pipes
Beethoven's 5th Movement.
Instead of water, it should flush with berry-blasted Blue Pepsi™.
Pachinko- It's more fun than Cats. I'll play it again and again!
A nice, calming, gator-head motif
I pull down my pants with my normal rubber-ducky boxers, and pull them up with
pre-teen pre-worn pink panties. Eeeeee!
Safeguards against terrorist attacks by the fringe element in the TidyBowl
society
A side-car with a racing stripe
I need it to manufacture weapons of mass destruction out of nothing. And
quickly. What? Why, yes, I am either Kim Jong Il or George W. Bush.
I'm not buying a toilet from the Japanese. For all I know, it can only be
serviced by some coin-grubbing Italian plumber.
That recipe for chicken salad.
A sweet, lemony taste
Can I flush it by clicking a Shit Can icon?
Instead of saying "Talk to me. TAAAALK TO MEEEE!" when you're on your drunken
knees, it'll say, "Converse with me. CONVERRRRSE WITH MEEEE!"
Customized toilet seat with the inside inscription that reads: "This way to
Monster Island"
I wanna rock! (ROCK!) Dun-duhnuhnuuuuh, etc.
A wet bar. Definitely a wet ... hmm. Nevermind.
A pot of gold.
Mind Waste, Lady Gone.
A chicken in every pot.
Can it flush?
Quadrophonic speakers built into the seat
Will it do windows?
A magazine holder that frees up my other hand
How about a self-cleaning model?
A WotC-scenario generation feature
Huh? Sorry, I was totally distracted by an actual TV spot for the "Weird Al"
concert. I bet he likes his precious luxury toilet!
For $4,000, it should have a guy who will shit for me. Or maybe a robot.
Duh! "First Penis Shooter" games! (Introducing the first Head-Down Display
targeting system)
Dubya's dopey, grinning visage painted inside the bowl, staring up at me.
A cup-holder that can't be mistaken for a CD player
Holographic glory-hole computer program with several complimentary fantasy
programs included
*And merging the science of the future with a nostalgic favorite from the past…*
Sea Monkeys!
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