Question of the Week 08/27/03:

Here at www.BossyTheCow.com, we keep a close eye on what draws people to our site.  For months now, one of the most popular search strings -- more popular than, say, "Keith Baker" -- has been "Ashton Kutcher in his Underwear".  So, at the risk of asking for too much information, we want to know:

WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE INTERESTED IN ASHTON KUTCHER IN HIS UNDERWEAR?


I know! I thought Jabba had no time for smugglers who drop their pants at the first sign of trouble!

Because they're not searching for "Richard Nixon in his underwear".

Web-surfers without lives desperately trying to fill void left by the death of Oolong, the pancake-balancing bunny.

Saddam has to be hiding somewhere!

You're actually misinterpreting the search string. People are actually searching for e-tail wholesalers of candles. They figure that Kutcher + Baker = Candlestick Maker. 

Tuned in for the long-awaited sequel- Dude, Where's My Pants?!?

They're not - They just want to admire Ashton's New Clothes.

Clearly the real question is: "Why is BOSSY THE COW so interested in Ashton Kutcher in his underwear that she's plastered him all over her website?"

Um, I'm just interested in the articles.

Don't you mean, "Why are so many PEEPHOLES interested in Ashton Kutcher in his underwear?"

Keith, looks like your Bossy site may be infected with MSDemi.exe.

Oh, it's just Ashcroft trying to locate all pix of Ashton so he can cover them up.  Hey: Ashton, Ashcroft.  Ashton, Ashcroft.  Crap, I'm Zippy the Letterman!

I hear he stole it from the Wonderland set (Look it up people...)

Operation Underware is a great success. No one looking at Ash's ass is looking at Bush, Ashcroft or Cheney. Well, symbolically i suppose...but you know what i mean.

"Ashton Kutcher in his underwear"?  Isn't that an anagram of "Arnold
Schwarzeneggar"?

Residual interest from the California campaign to have Ashton run for Governor With No Clothes.

Looking for another Al Qaeda member on the loose.

Something about the Sobig Virus?

Trying to win drunken bet that he doesn't go commando.

To learn if his special underware is hardware or software. Everyone knows that...

Because if they looked at Ashton Kutcher without his underwear they'd have
to admit to latent homosexuality.

They figure Ashton Kutcher in his underwear is a step away from Ashton Kutcher getting in their pants.

Are we sure it's an interest in seeing little Ashy in his OWN underwear?

Have you actually met people? They are really stupid and easily distracted. It's like when Steve Martin talks about that time the earth blew up and they didn't tell the stupid people. Or simple child psychology- like when a parent will use a simple distraction- like "Look over here angel-pie, it's candy!" when what he means is "Your daddy is having a special stay in the hospital. And when he comes home, he'll be your second mommy". Distraction and laziness, it's that simple.
What was the question again?

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